The pastor never visited me!

Shame on her.

She put the pastor between and rock and a hard place.

Obviously, there are two problems here....


1. Obviously, the church and pastor can't know one is in spiritual need if they are not informed. To become disappointed that the pastor didn't know is understandable, but the problem is not with the pastor.


2. There's a problem with expectations. You know what they say about the word ASSUME. Different people have different expectations of what should or will happen. I would not at all assume that my pastor would visit me in the hospital (especially if it were not a life-threatening situation). However, I can easily see how I'd appreciate that. If that were the case, it would be UP TO ME to express that request. If possible, I might phone or text that to the church, and otherwise might request a loved one to extend that request.


We should not ASSUME that the church knows..... and we should not ASSUME that they know a visit would be appreciated.



SIDE NOTE: In all interpersonal relationships, I (as a man) have come to understand that people (especially men?) are REALLY BAD mind-readers (and pretty bad at reading body language, too!). Want someone to know something? TELL THEM! Preferably in a very clear, very short sentence that conveys EXACTLY what needs to be communicate. And do directly.



- Josiah

psalms 91 said:

To begin with, the pastor is not who should be doing the visiting, it is the church members. To many pastors are asked to do to many things rather than spend time getting close to God and getting dirtection.

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It is special when people from church reach out during those times of trial in life. Even just a little card goes a long way.

As a church member, I would not ASSUME that a member would WANT a friend from church to visit them in the hospital...... I think a card (and perhaps even flowers) might be more appropriate? If possible, we might contact the spouse or some other very close person and ASK if a visit might be appreciated. And if I did visit, I'd keep it SHORT. They are hardly in a position to entertain guests.... they are SICK.

Josiah said:

As a church member, I would not ASSUME that a member would WANT a friend from church to visit them in the hospital...... I think a card (and perhaps even flowers) might be more appropriate? If possible, we might contact the spouse or some other very close person and ASK if a visit might be appreciated. And if I did visit, I'd keep it SHORT. They are hardly in a position to entertain guests.... they are SICK.

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That would be true for me too but I think its a cultural thing. I've worked at a hospital for many years and especially Latino, Polynesian and I'm sure many others come out in droves when one of them is in the hospital.

Lämmchen said:

What do you think of the lady who went into the hospital and either did not notify the church or wished to not have anyone notified she was there...but then when she got out complained that the pastor never visited her while she was in the hospital?

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I think she set herself up to be disappointed.

I dare say I know many a lady who have done this very thing with wanting to appear humble and then in a vicious turn will reprimand the pastor for not having dropped in because he should have known, in their minds, that they did want him to pay attention to their illness. These attention seekers play their game so well but do not fool their closest friends who are onto their game.

Lämmchen said:

What do you think of the lady who went into the hospital and either did not notify the church or wished to not have anyone notified she was there...but then when she got out complained that the pastor never visited her while she was in the hospital?

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That's ridiculous. People sometimes do the silliest things.

Strange. If I wanted a visit, I'd request one. It usually wouldn't cross my mind to, unless it was a serious illness. In that case I might request a short visit. If the Pastor did come,I'd certainly recognize that he's gone out of his way to do it, and has taken time from his other responsibilities. But for the elderly, maybe that's more of an expectation? Idk...
A number of churches might have associate Pastors where it's part of their role to visit those in the hospital, are sick, home-bound, whatever. Maybe that's what she was expecting?

Sitting on an Elder board in one church and being the only Deacon in another I've seen first hand all the demands a lot of these pastors do that most parishioners never see and I hate making any requests other than in an emergency myself.